You’ve heard of MILFs and DILFs—if you’re hardcore and have good taste you’ve heard of GILFs—but what about PILFs? Professors play the starring role in many a college lady or gentleman’s fantasy, and we wanted to know who exactly you horny creeps are thinking about in class. Under pressure from the Twitter mob, ditched its legendary chili pepper-meter, so we devised our own standards for evaluating the relative hotness of each educator. Rest assured these PILFs are so stunning they permanently altered the pH level of our copy editor’s vagina. This edition of the PILF report featured invaluable contributions from a handful of McGill’s slimiest undergraduates. 

Without further ado:

 Dr. Lauren J. Human - Psychology

One of the hottest profs in the department this stunning brunette is sure to start your mental machinery racing. If you didn’t already have ruined drawers for social psychology, you do now. Getting a tenure track job in the social sciences is a near Herculean feat these days, and on that note we commend Professor Human on her accomplishments thus far. If you’re interested in personality psych and want a class that’s easy on the eyes if not easy on the As, you cannot go wrong. 

Dr. Nicholas Dew - History

Wet clam beach, population: you. If you’re a connoisseur or connoisseuse of British accents, you’ll love hanging around the boyish Professor Dew. If you were especially interested in the history of the Atlantic World this semester you’ll have to wait up, Dr. Dew is on sabbatical for the academic year. But that doesn’t mean you can’t daydream about this hunky historian in the meantime. And, if you want to feel closer to his unbridled sexual power, maybe just check out his book Orientalism in Louis XIV’s France

Dr. Viviane Yargeau 

I’m 100% positive you have no idea what controlling environmental contaminants looks like from a chemical engineering perspective because I have no idea what that would look like and I’m way smarter than you. That being said, I know someone who is an expert in that precise field: Dr. Viviane Yargeau. This Quebec native and total hottie carries the banner for hot engineers, not an easy task by any standard—most of them are phenomenally unattractive. Her perfectly coiffed blonde hair and strict turtlenecks make me want to have a little dalliance with ChemEng….

Dr. William Clare Roberts 

Daddy’s home and class is in session. Political science is not really a science, but for Dr. Roberts we really couldn't care less. Political science could be a gender for all we care. Paul Mcartney and John Lennon wrote: “If you're down, he'll pick you up / Doctor Robert / Take a drink from his special cup / Doctor Robert,” and we heartily agree, whatever Dr. Roberts is pouring, we’re having. Personally I was thinking a tall glass of 45-year-old academic on the rocks. 

Dr. Erin Hurley - English

Fancy yourself a theatregoer? Dr. Hurley is basically guaranteed to be centre stage in her students’ imaginations. With all her scholastic output, it would be easy for this prof to show up looking frumpy and haggard during exam season, but Dr. Hurley always brings the heat in class. A legendary sex symbol of the English department, what’s even more impressive is her work on national theatre in Quebec.