by Adriana Delgado Flores

Time: December 17th, 19:34 

Location: Mont-Royal Metro Station

*translated from messy Montreal franglais* 

Guy: Change, madame?

Banter: Actually, I do have a few coins.  *presents $5.00*

Guy: Ahh, thank you, god bless you.

Banter: Grab yourself a hot drink—need something to keep you warm this time of year. 

Guy: Yes, yes, thank you very much, madam.

Banter: Are you more of a coffee guy, or more of a tea guy?

Guy: What?

Banter: Do you like coffee more, or do you prefer tea?

Guy: What? Why? Why are you asking me that?

Banter: Just making conversation. I think the train is still a few minutes away. You’re not busy, are you?

Guy: No, it’s okay. It’s just a strange thing to ask, Me, I prefer coffee, but sometimes I prefer it a little extra hot… like you… If you don’t mind me saying that.

Banter: Yeah, you definitely want to make sure that it’s hot.

Guy: But, extra hot—you know?


Guy: Extra hot. Adding stuff to make it extra hot.

Banter: Oh, like adding alcohol.

Guy: Well, yes. That's what I mean.

Banter: Uhh…. Yeah, I suppose that’s true. Sometimes you need a little extra kick. 

Guy: But not always. Just during the Holidays, of course.

Banter: Of course… You know, it’s funny that you’re so forthcoming about that. A lot of people in your position would lie and say that they don’t drink.

Guy: What do you mean?

Banter: A lot of people in my position would have reservations about giving money to someone in your position because you might spend it on alcohol.

Guy: Well a lot of people aren’t in my position. Also, you already gave me the money, and you don’t look stupid. Why lie to you?

Banter: I would say I’m average, and the average person is pretty stupid—or at least, pretty gullible.

Guy: Gullible, maybe… But also…

Banter: Charitable?

Guy: Willing to give.

Banter: Right. Do you think it has anything to do with season? That is, do you find that people give more around Christmas?

Guy: Yes, but things are not necessarily easier just because it is near Christmas. On the one hand, I do think that people give more, but it is also much harder to be outside because of the cold, so time passes a lot slower.

Banter: How long are you normally out here?

Guy: All day.

Banter: Really?

Guy: Except for when I’m somewhere else, obviously.

Banter: Busy schedule?

Guy: I have shit to do, okay? Why are you asking me all of these questions? You sound like my whore dog of a wife… Ex-wife, I mean. 

Banter: I think the “ex” prefix can be inferred when such colourful descriptors are attached. 

Guy: What the fuck are you saying?

Banter: That’s just a very aggressive way of wording things.

Guy: Well, if you knew her, you would know what I am talking about. She can get hit by a train for all I care. Bitch! Those tracks right there, you see? Smack!

Banter: I’m sorry, sir. Merry Christmas.

Guy: Merry Fucking Christmas.