Door Muscle is a series where we talk to bouncers and get the inside tips on getting inside so you can stay safe, keep the squad together, and dance your dick off. $10.00 at the door, no reentry.

Time: Saturday, August 17th, 00:43

Location: St. Laurent Street, Montreal


*50 Cent’s “In Da Club” chopped up with Pitbull’s “The Anthem” blares in the background, the latest alloyed banger on a playlist of hyper aggressive yet decidedly sentimental 2000’s hits*

Banter: Okay, so we’re here with *redacted* at… ughghhhh… ummmm… What’s this place called again?

Muscle: Bar is called *redacted*, brother.

Banter: Right, right… I knew it was something kind of cliché. Anyway, we’re here with *redacted* at Bar *redacted*. I’m glad we’re having this conversation right now—not only so I can prod you for industry insight, but also because things are heating up, and you look like someone who ought not be tangled with. Anyway, the police just walked in. What is going on?

Muscle: Yes, police is here because bottles, brother.

Banter: Right. Okay, could you elaborate on that a little bit?

Muscle: What you want illafforonate?

Banter: No, no, no. Elaborate. Like, why did the bottles lead to the police showing up?

Muscle: Oh, okay, yes, brother, the mans who are buying the bottles are the ones who make police come here.

Banter: Right, so, like, the people buying bottle service. Looks like they were getting pretty out of hand. But as someone who works for the bar as a designated security agent, how do you decide when to get the police involved?

Muscle: Almost always the violence with bottles, brother.

Banter: Okay, that seems like a useful rule of thumb, but surely that isn’t always the case, right? Like, there must be some number of people out there who buy bottle service and who are also well behaved.

Muscle: Brother, whenever mans buy the bottle service, that is when they make crazy, so that is when you have police come. You know? Throwing bottle at other people. You cannot fight them, brother. For me to fight them? Why do this?

Banter: Oh, shit, what? Wait, like, getting “bottled” 

Muscle: Yes, brother, throwing it at other people.

Banter: Oh, god. Is that what just happened? I thought they were just yelling and shoving each other. 

Muscle: Throwing, brother, yes, because too much drinking, and men who they do not like coming in booth.

Banter: I mean, I guess I understand that tensions rise, but it seems so strange to me that that’s actually a thing that happens. I feel like that could kill someone if there’s a thick enough bottle. 

Muscle: Very dangerous throwing. Do not do it, brother.

Banter: Oh, believe me, I won’t. Okay so in these conversations, we try to get some expert advice from you guys on how to thrive in bars and in nightlife more generally. Say someone finds themself in a situation where they feel like they, or someone dear to them, may be at risk of getting bottled. What are some tips or tricks they could use to de-escalate the situation, or at least come out on the right side of the bottle? Any industry secrets?

Muscle: Ahh, yes, very dangerous, brother.

Banter: You’re a man of few words. I guess brevity is the soul of wit though, eh?

Muscle: Yes. What? The police here now.

Banter: Okay, cheers man, thanks.

Muscle: Very dangerous, brother.