Breaking Down a Relationship Expert’s Breakdown of a Hollywood Couple’s Body Language
by Marjolaine Tremblay
Okay, fine. I’ll admit it. Like most French women who grew up in a cushy, bourgeois social millieu, I am an unabashed consumer of Elle Magazine.
Well, actually, perhaps that statement isn’t quite right.
I am partially abashed, and every so often I read something that makes me feel perfectly comfortable performing a full bashing.
One such occasion was their recent tweet of a breakdown of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd’s body language—what it tells us about their emotions, relational dynamic, and essential psychological profile.
Since this is obviously no trivial task, the multinational publishing giant deferred to a professional: Dr. Jane Greer.
There is indeed a great deal of expert analysis to explore here, so I’ll take things one observation at a time.
Dr. Greer opens her assessment with the incisive observation that Kristen “craves” the attention of her husband. Now, to the untrained, this might seem like a bit of a stretch. Sure, Kristen has been with this guy for 13 years and has multiple children with him, but that could all be an act, right? Wrong, you amateur hack. Definitively wrong.
This is where Dr. Greer’s years of rigorous training set her apart from some dipstick like you. There are a few glaring subtleties that expose everything, if only you know where to look for them. And believe me, Dr. Greer knows.
While you’re unsure of what it means when Kristen kisses Dax at a red carpet event, Dr. Greer knows that it’s Kristen’s way of getting attention. How could anyone possibly know that? We already established that Kristen craves attention; it was like the first thing we established. Craving attention —> Kissing your husband. Here, correlation definitely equals causation.
She can also tell that the couple have “complete harmony.” How could she possibly know this? Dr. Greer noticed that the two A-listers smiled at each other at a major movie premiere where hundreds of people were taking pictures of them. That’s the sort of thing only a professional could pick up on. Take note.
The analysis then starts to demystify some of the more cryptic behaviour.
When Bell hugs her incredibly charming, incredibly handsome, and incredibly wealthy husband, the average person is left completely flummoxed. What’s her motive? Is she trying to stay warm? Is she refining her Heimlich manoeuvring skills? Maybe she has become infuriated with Dax all of a sudden, so she’s trying to wrangle him into position for a back-breaking suplex.
Dr. Greer assures you that this is not the case; it’s actually because Kristen is displaying her affection through physical touch.
Dr. Greer can tell all of this because she (unlike you) is a relationship expert. Magazines pay her the big bucks because she (unlike you) is a relationship. And she can tell that two gorgeous celebrities who are married, who live together, who presumably have an electric sex life, and who (I can’t stress this enough) are married, do in fact like each other because she (unlike you) is a relationship expert.